It's a
well known principle in physics magnetism that opposites attract and this fact
is thought to be of value in our lives. You must have heard the saying, ''he is
from Mars and she is from Venus'' !
We
may, at some point of time, come across such odd couples...who make their life
work wonderfully despite major differences. But the question is do opposites
really attract or rather what makes a successful relationship, a stimulating
opposite or a comforting soulmate?
Compatibility
researchers often use Myers-Briggs personality typing for classification of
different personality types. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is the most common
personality inventory in the world.
The Myers-Briggs theory asserts that our fundamental differences in
thinking, making decisions, and organizing our lives can be understood by
measuring our preferences in four key areas:
-Extraversion/Introversion: This scale refers to where you focus attention
and get your energy. Extroverts are focused on the external world and other
people, and are energized by external stimulation and interaction with others.
Introverts are more focused on their internal world, thoughts, ideas, and
feelings, and get energy from spending time in solitary activity or quiet
reflection.
-Sensing/Intuition: This scale refers to how you prefer to take in information.
Sensors gather information in a very concrete, detail-oriented, and factual
way. They tend to be practical and oriented to the present moment. Intuitives
tend to be more abstract in their perceptions, and tend to think more about
meaning, connections, and possibilities. Intuitives are often more imaginative
than realistic.
-Thinking/Feeling: This scale refers to how you prefer to make
decisions. Thinkers prefer decisions that are based on facts or data, and like
to reason things out logically. Feelers prefer decisions that are consistent
with their values and help to build harmonious relationships.
-Judging/Perceiving: This scale refers to how you prefer to organize your life. Judgers
tend to prefer structure, schedules, and plans. They like clear expectations
and feel accomplishment from completing tasks. Perceivers prefer an open-ended,
spontaneous and flexible existence. They enjoy feeling that their options are
open and that there are many possibilities available.
Personality compatibility is not about being
similar in nature, it is about being able to co-exist in harmony. You don't
need to avoid certain types of personality just because you seem to be as
different as day and night. Instead, you have to learn about strong and weak
points of both sides, and turn your weaknesses into advantages.
Despite the fact that these two temperaments are
very different, they are often drawn to each other from the very first time
they meet and it is thought to be because their opposite qualities complement
for each other - opposites attract, or so they say! But when a research was
conducted on several hundred of couples it was concluded that for a successful long
term relationship couple prefer similar values, social background, good
communication and the ability to sort out differences calmly. It was found that
more a couple had in common more were they satisfied. So it seems that
opposites might attract you instantly but for a long run you look for the similar
ones. But it does not mean that you need to find an exact replica of yourself
rather clashing personality need to maintain a distance
For example, a couple with a extrovert female counterpart and introvert
male most of the time has lead to frustration as it goes against the dynamics
of male being the dominant partner and more expressive. Hence this leads to
imbalanced relation.
The
Sensing/Intuition scale seems to play a key role in attraction. Studies by
Isabel Briggs Myers and others have found that people tend to be drawn to
partners who share their preference on this scale. When couples have a Sensing
or Intuitive preference in common, they will tend to view the world in a
fundamentally similar way. Couples with the same preference on this scale may
find it easier to understand each other, and are more likely to feel they are
speaking the same language.
Here’s another example of phlegmatic choleric
personality types as to how opposites attract- With their web thinking, Phlegmatic
people tend to ruminate about the issue at hand, but never solve it. They see
it from so many different angles, and can think of so many facets of the
problem, that they just never get to resolving it. From completely other side
of the spectrum, Choleric people are fast at making decisions, but are likely
to do that skipping over the secondary data altogether. Together, however,
Choleric and Phlegmatic together prove to be a very effective team because they
have these complementary qualities.
The same applies with their social skills! Between
all types of personality, Choleric people are the least compassionate. They are
emotionally contained and may be even blunt. Phlegmatic partners, however, with
their empathy, emotional expressiveness and drive to please others will smooth
that away. It would seem that they both admire each other for these differences
and will mean that their conversations will always be interesting. The Choleric
will impress the Phlegmatic by the depth of his or her knowledge of a
particular subject, while the Phlegmatic will blow the Choleric away by his or
her ability to see "the bigger picture". If these two see something that is worth of pursuit
in their relationship, nothing will ever stop them!
Sure enough, the problems could arise even here.
Choleric people are emotionally contained - their ideal is to be logic and
efficient. They don't confess love very often and this could disappoint
sentimental Phlegmatic partners who will try to interpret the Choleric behavior
and always end up interpreting it wrongly. By thinking that the connection is
lost, they start to feel unloved. However the Choleric partners will begin to
feel as if they have been completely misunderstood.
Choleric people admire self-control. If the
Phlegmatic partner starts to overreact, becoming a drama queen (be it man or
woman), the Choleric partner will get seriously annoyed and become even more
unavailable that he or she already seemed to be. Nevertheless, the personality compatibility is
great here and these two could make an exciting match if they manage to
overcome their difficulties.
We can see
that overall, couples find more satisfaction when paired with a similar
partner. However, researchers stress that in all of their findings,
communication, common interests, and the quality of the couple's friendship
were the most crucial factors in determining relationship success. It might be
easy to lead a life with a person who is
similar to you but life might become monotonous. When significant differences
occur but a couple makes an effort to understand and appreciate the differences
then they can make what might be a problem or source of conflict into an asset for their partnership.
Couples
with personality differences who find ways to support and understand each other
often find their relationships especially rewarding. Partners with type
differences will learn from each other in a way that similar will not. As the different will be able to stimulate
and challenge each other, they can become effective team for life as they
compensate for each other’s weakness.
So, finally
recognizing how your partner is thinking and appreciating the value of his or
her perspective (whether or not it agrees with you) is the mantra for
successful relationship.
When it
comes to relationship satisfaction, the big three factors—communication, trust,
and respect—can be achieved by any type combination. While compatibility
research can be interesting and informative, it is important to remember that
every relationship is individual, and every couple can learn better
communication skills.
- Anu Sharma (Guest Writer)
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Guest Writers
Nice informative post! Yes, for any relationship to survive trust, respect and communication are basic necessities!