'google658fd05d77029796.html' Do Opposites Really Attract? | The Original Poetry

It's a well known principle in physics magnetism that opposites attract and this fact is thought to be of value in our lives. You must have heard the saying, ''he is from Mars and she is from Venus'' ! 

We may, at some point of time, come across such odd couples...who make their life work wonderfully despite major differences. But the question is do opposites really attract or rather what makes a successful relationship, a stimulating opposite or  a comforting soulmate?

Compatibility researchers often use Myers-Briggs personality typing for classification of different personality types. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is the most common personality inventory in the world.

The Myers-Briggs theory asserts that our fundamental differences in thinking, making decisions, and organizing our lives can be understood by measuring our preferences in four key areas:

-Extraversion/Introversion: This scale refers to where you focus attention and get your energy. Extroverts are focused on the external world and other people, and are energized by external stimulation and interaction with others. Introverts are more focused on their internal world, thoughts, ideas, and feelings, and get energy from spending time in solitary activity or quiet reflection.

-Sensing/Intuition: This scale refers to how you prefer to take in information. Sensors gather information in a very concrete, detail-oriented, and factual way. They tend to be practical and oriented to the present moment. Intuitives tend to be more abstract in their perceptions, and tend to think more about meaning, connections, and possibilities. Intuitives are often more imaginative than realistic.

-Thinking/Feeling: This scale refers to how you prefer to make decisions. Thinkers prefer decisions that are based on facts or data, and like to reason things out logically. Feelers prefer decisions that are consistent with their values and help to build harmonious relationships.

-Judging/Perceiving: This scale refers to how you prefer to organize your life. Judgers tend to prefer structure, schedules, and plans. They like clear expectations and feel accomplishment from completing tasks. Perceivers prefer an open-ended, spontaneous and flexible existence. They enjoy feeling that their options are open and that there are many possibilities available.

Personality compatibility is not about being similar in nature, it is about being able to co-exist in harmony. You don't need to avoid certain types of personality just because you seem to be as different as day and night. Instead, you have to learn about strong and weak points of both sides, and turn your weaknesses into advantages.

Despite the fact that these two temperaments are very different, they are often drawn to each other from the very first time they meet and it is thought to be because their opposite qualities complement for each other - opposites attract, or so they say! But when a research was conducted on several hundred of couples it was concluded that for a successful long term relationship couple prefer similar values, social background, good communication and the ability to sort out differences calmly. It was found that more a couple had in common more were they satisfied. So it seems that opposites might attract you instantly but for a long run you look for the similar ones. But it does not mean that you need to find an exact replica of yourself rather clashing personality need to maintain a distance

For example, a couple with  a extrovert female counterpart and introvert male most of the time has lead to frustration as it goes against the dynamics of male being the dominant partner and more expressive. Hence this leads to imbalanced relation.

The Sensing/Intuition scale seems to play a key role in attraction. Studies by Isabel Briggs Myers and others have found that people tend to be drawn to partners who share their preference on this scale. When couples have a Sensing or Intuitive preference in common, they will tend to view the world in a fundamentally similar way. Couples with the same preference on this scale may find it easier to understand each other, and are more likely to feel they are speaking the same language.

Here’s another example of phlegmatic choleric personality types as to how opposites attract- With their web thinking, Phlegmatic people tend to ruminate about the issue at hand, but never solve it. They see it from so many different angles, and can think of so many facets of the problem, that they just never get to resolving it. From completely other side of the spectrum, Choleric people are fast at making decisions, but are likely to do that skipping over the secondary data altogether. Together, however, Choleric and Phlegmatic together prove to be a very effective team because they have these complementary qualities.

The same applies with their social skills! Between all types of personality, Choleric people are the least compassionate. They are emotionally contained and may be even blunt. Phlegmatic partners, however, with their empathy, emotional expressiveness and drive to please others will smooth that away. It would seem that they both admire each other for these differences and will mean that their conversations will always be interesting. The Choleric will impress the Phlegmatic by the depth of his or her knowledge of a particular subject, while the Phlegmatic will blow the Choleric away by his or her ability to see "the bigger picture". If these two see something that is worth of pursuit in their relationship, nothing will ever stop them!
Sure enough, the problems could arise even here. Choleric people are emotionally contained - their ideal is to be logic and efficient. They don't confess love very often and this could disappoint sentimental Phlegmatic partners who will try to interpret the Choleric behavior and always end up interpreting it wrongly. By thinking that the connection is lost, they start to feel unloved. However the Choleric partners will begin to feel as if they have been completely misunderstood.
Choleric people admire self-control. If the Phlegmatic partner starts to overreact, becoming a drama queen (be it man or woman), the Choleric partner will get seriously annoyed and become even more unavailable that he or she already seemed to be.  Nevertheless, the personality compatibility is great here and these two could make an exciting match if they manage to overcome their difficulties.

We can see that overall, couples find more satisfaction when paired with a similar partner. However, researchers stress that in all of their findings, communication, common interests, and the quality of the couple's friendship were the most crucial factors in determining relationship success. It might be easy to lead  a life with a person who is similar to you but life might become monotonous. When significant differences occur but a couple makes an effort to understand and appreciate the differences then they can make what might be a problem or source of conflict  into an asset for their partnership.

Couples with personality differences who find ways to support and understand each other often find their relationships especially rewarding. Partners with type differences will learn from each other in a way that similar will not.  As the different will be able to stimulate and challenge each other, they can become effective team for life as they compensate for each other’s weakness.

So, finally recognizing how your partner is thinking and appreciating the value of his or her perspective (whether or not it agrees with you) is the mantra for successful relationship.

When it comes to relationship satisfaction, the big three factors—communication, trust, and respect—can be achieved by any type combination. While compatibility research can be interesting and informative, it is important to remember that every relationship is individual, and every couple can learn better communication skills.

                   - Anu Sharma (Guest Writer)

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One Response so far.

  1. Sri Valli says:

    Nice informative post! Yes, for any relationship to survive trust, respect and communication are basic necessities!

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