Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Fletcher Knebel

If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
Clint Eastwood

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Oscar Wilde

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working with one.
Bill Gates

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Yogi Berra

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
A. Whitney Brown

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
Steve Martin

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Emo Philips

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Jack Nicholson


All generalizations are false, including this one.
Mark Twain

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
George Jessel


The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
David Ogilvy

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One Response so far.


  1. The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
    ― George Jessel

    I cldn't agree more.. :/

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