Hilarious Quotes

Posted by Deepak Kripal

A wedding is just like a funeral except you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

Why is it when we talk to God, we are praying, but when God talks to us, we are schizophrenic.
- Lily Tomlin

Behind every successful man, stands a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
- Brooks Hays

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
― Mark Twain

Normal people with normal problems can be hilarious.
- Tommy Lee Jones

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
― Betty Reese

I'm single by choice. Not my choice.
― Orny Adams

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around chinatown.
― Woody Allen

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
― Bob Monkhouse

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
― Henny Youngman

The conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
― Arthur Bloc

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
― Unknown Author

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you are down there.
― George Burns

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
― Rita Mae Brown

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
― Les Dawson

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
― A. Whitney Brown

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
― Quentin Crisp

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
― Lily Tomlin

The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.
― German Proverb

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
― Groucho Marx

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
― Ambrose Bierce

The road to success is always under construction.
― Arnold Palmer

No, I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
― Ashleigh Brilliant

Categories: Quotes

Lonely soul says:

27 October 2014 at 15:05

NYC quotes..worth reading..thanx for writing..I agree with Rita Mae brown;-)

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